Talk about slaking… Dec 4th 2007 was last time I ranted… ICK.

Quick update:

1 – Frank and I are still together and moved in together earlier this year.
2 – Still work for lawyers… OUCH… I like to borrow the nice phrase “Stupidity hurts my head… Stop It” from Foamy Squirrel (www.illwillpress.com)
3 – As for working out… well lets just say out of sight out of mind… so been lazy, canceled the membership to save 75 bucks a month.
4 – Getting Frank more involved with Leather, still slowly, but getting there. Was thinking of talking to him about joining CHC (Chicago Hellfire Club), but maybe moving to another state/city in next few months for his work.

So, short short version. Will try to start keeping up with this again, but we shall see.

Alright, not posted for a week so here goes. Since my last post, Frank and I had dinner on wed night, it was very nice. He came down my way, he’s a sweetheart,, he lives about 10 city blocks from me, to have dinner. He was tired and he made it easy and suggested a place just a block away from me. After dinner we ended up back at my place. And before you even think about it, nope, nothing sexual happened, unless if you count him petting me, and get me in a happy place… We watched a bit of TV, and relaxed on the couch cuddled up. He had to get up for work earlier than I, so as we were hugging night, he noticed how much of a “happy place” I was, I said sorry, and thats what happens when I get petted. So, he was off, and had to go out of town for the weekend, so off he went. Now, we been out a few times and still have not had our clothes off. Not sure why, he handsome, nice bod, and other nice items from what I hear. So, why have I not humped his leg yet (well besides the hug night oops)? Well, guess he’s a nice southern boy, and he’s being a southern gentleman about things. That I can respect, and I do let the other make those types of decisions, so I’ll just have to wait to see on the next few rounds of “dating”.

Now, pup has found a new toy, nope, not Frank, well at least not yet that is… I was thinking about what Mark did over the last time I went camping, and such. With in regards to CBT. Now, I am going a bit adult here for a moment, close your eyes if your under age… I started thinking about the feeling of having the balls stretched, tapped, etc. I thought about it, and went out and bought a ball stretcher, level 1 the 1 inch tall. I bought a neoprene one, cause read a few things on them and they were supposed to be comfortable to wear and you could use them “under” another if need be. Well, after a bit on Monday night of crushing and squeezing, I got them in, and was nice until I moved a certain way then one of the balls would pop out… bugger. I decided to put my 5 speed leather cock ring around it to help hold them in place, and that did the trick. So, after a few hours I took it off and went to bed. I had it on from the time I got home to time I went to bed rest of the week, minus Wed night dinner and TV with Frank. Friday night, I went out to meet Mark for a drink, and did not wear it then, cause I put on jeans and it would have been a “VERY” tight spot to get them without killing everything. So, Saturday I put it back on after I got up at like 10am, and had it on when I put my kilt on to got met a friend at a bar for a drink that night. I took it off before walking home from the bar. Then on Sunday, well, it was on for nearly 13 hours and it was fine all the time. Just me bouncing them ever once in a while, moving in the computer chair, etc, but thats normal.

So, maybe in a few months or so, I can move to level 2, and really have some fun. As one of the boys from my MMO I play was talking about me getting a parachute and some weights to help it out. Then found out another of the MMO boys, is already at a level 2. So, seems I’ll be doing a bit of toy shopping here after I get back from camping. Cause the next thing I need to do is get some items to get back to FF again.

Well, not sure if Frank knows what he will be getting himself into with this pup. We definitely need to talk about what I am all about. Last train wreck (ex husband of 6 years) I don’t want to happen again. So, I have to lay most of it out for him within next few times I see him. I don’t want expectations of any kind. I have to let him know, I can’t do monogamy, I do need to play, be it with him or able to play without him, that is his decision. I am a playful pup. I do like to wind up guys and let them go, get them frustrated. Makes me a evil pup, I know. But I do go back to my Owner/Handler. And I do need leather play sometimes, not every single time, but more than vanilla.

Give you an example of what I mean by I’m a playful pup. The one Sunday I met Frank out, and we were up to 1AM. I had my kilt on, and was standing in the bar, and one guy, cute, nicely built, furry, or as I like to classify him as “doable”. Asked on what I had underneath and I told him Fur. Then he was looking in his pockets for change, Frank reached in his pocket and handed a quarter to him, which he did the oops, I dropped change so I have to pick it up trick. Then a while later, his husband comes over with him and they start chatting a bit. I get pulled away from Frank, and the two other boys get a bit touchy/feely, with me, so I return it a bit. They go downstairs, and I go back to Frank, which he kind of pushes me away, and I told him, just playing, or something like that. Then I spent the rest of the night focused on Frank, making it up to him. I normally give all my attention to the one I am with, but need to be playful sometimes. Not like I go playful 90% of the time I am out with someone.

Now, I posted before the cleanup, about way I have been with someone before, and don’t mind it all and shows what I mean. When you walk in the bar, get slapped on the back or ass and am told, “go play”. Thats fun. Then there are other times the Owner/Handler will grab the collar or something else, and tell me “no playing”, and then I stay put at his side total attention on him. As much as this protective pup can do, while still keeping eye out all around.

Enough ranting today…

Hawk/pup

This weekend was interesting. I actually got a chance to clean my bathroom. Took me about 2 hours to do, but got it done. I really have not had a chance to since work and the whole merger ordeal. Started on the main room as well. Went shopping for my camping trip and spent about 260 bucks. Lugging it 3 city blocks was a work out in itself. But I got my cooler, heater, light, air bed, sandals, and few other items. Which is nice, I am basically set for items for the trip. I was going to go out on Saturday night, but got to tired and stayed home.

Sunday, I planned on meeting this guy that I met last weekend briefly, again on Sunday. I put on my kilt, and headed out a little early to stop at the leather shop before meeting him at the bar. Even after the shop, I was there nearly an hour before he said he be there. I caught up with one of the bartenders, and one of the barbacks while I waited. I had my one Capitan Morgan and Coke, and switched to just coke after that. Was upstairs and ran into a few people I knew and started chatting. Well, I went to walk around to see if anyone else I knew showed up and when I returned the guy that I was to meet was up talking with the others. I did not even know he knew them. Funny. This guy, lets call him, Frank. Frank and I met like I said the weekend prior, and he got sidetracked by some other guys he knew and we did not get a chance to meet back up that night. I found him very handsome, and he had my number on weakness, yea one better than petting the back of my head. He was taller than I was!!! Now being 6′4”, it’s hard to find someone taller than myself that was handsome. Most seem to be so thin I would break them in two if I got a hold of them or just plain ugly. Well, Frank and I talked a bit, and me wearing the kilt I got some normal, “whats underneath”, and the looking and not asking ones. But wearing it, I talk most in stride. After a few hours, Frank mentioned something about food, and I was getting hungry so I suggested we go get food. While trying to say night to a few people he runs into someone he been chatting online with and we get to talking to the couple and such. Another 30 minutes or so later we finally go to get food. We sat down about 8ish, ordered and chatted away, by time we knew it was oh, about midnight. Then we chatted for nearly another hour outside the place. So, needless to say, I got to bed about 1:30am… was it worth it, HELL YEA. Frank is great guy, gamer, watches cartoons, likes to hike, nice sense of humor, very good looking, taller than me.. WOOT, into leather and more. Granted he is not into the hard core stuff, but thats what got me thinking. Am I expecting to much of myself to try to go hard core? Is being a playful, passionate pup, with a few other things thrown in every once in a while good enough? Since I am pure pup, not boy, nor slave, maybe it would be enough.

When Mark comes into town this week, and we meet up, we will talk about the leather club he belongs to and see if it is something I would be interested in pursuing, or not. And if we play again, see what I think of it after we are done.

OK, I have had enough people reading the blog and not seeing the true picture. They read into things that are not there or WAY misinterpret. So, I put all my regular blog posts on Private, all but a select few, and going to start over. At least in a way. I have left the Door’s to be opened, cause it still is linked somewhere along the line. The Means to be Wolfpup (which is a decent post, may rewrite or edit… will make note if do), and Way I operate. Main three things that I think the most important.

Now, those who have been reading, can keep up and those new, well, I will re-explain things the best I can. I’ll prob do a Cast of toons page to help with names and such, trying to explain who is who when they come up again.

As for the way I operate, I am a submissive in majority of everything I do. I obey, sometimes act up but majority of the time I obey. I am 80-90% bottom, but if my handler says he wants me to fuck him, then I obey and do it, not for dominance, but for him cause he wants me to do it. If my handler wants me to tie him up, flog/whip him, or even piss on him, this is again not an dominance thing for me due to being a Protective Wolfpup, now a regular, or alpha pup its different, but for a Protective, we are the ones that the lowest on the totem as dominance goes, and first in the front lines to fight for the pack.

I go on the reactive/defensive stand on things. I don’t really approach people for things, if they come to me thats fine. If I am with one or many in a playing situation, I remain close and if they want me to join them, I wait for them to signal or reach over to me to start. Otherwise I stay in guard/protect mode and not approach anyone. I do leave the decision making up to the other(s) of where they want to go with things as well. It’s up to them where they want to go with this, friends, more than friends, friends with benefits, or go take a flying leap. They are the Dom/Handler/Sir after all. Now don’t get me wrong I am not a “victim” in this, if it is what I would like, I will let them know I agree and we continue on. Not like a guy can just walk up and say, we getting married, and I go along with it without question. I do have standards, in physical and mental.

With being a Protective Wolfpup, I like to know what is going on all of the time, so something comes up, I know it is normal and not worry about it. That is why I like to be kept in the loop of what is going on. Let me know what to expect and I am content, regardless of what the info is. Not having the info and getting blindsided by something is not a good thing.

I think this is why I get a lot of people think I am a top. I do appear to be an Alpha, and by rights I should. The Protector is the one that should be targeted by the enemy to give the alpha time to flank and attack. And yes, you can ask a few of my Handlers that I have played with that I do have this challenging quality, but when push comes to shove (take the pun anyway you want.. lol) I do back off and submit.

Now, with all of this, this puts me in an out in the cold a lot of times. People don’t know how to take me, and either give up, or just move on to someone better looking/etc. Being left out in the cold, and not knowing what is going on, is not doing my job of protecting and it throws me into a depression. And that makes me a failure in my job, and can’t be happy in something you are a failure at.